Grief is a weird thing.
It's one of those feelings that's hard to put your finger on, yet can linger in the background of your life making things feel 'off' or challenging.
Grief is a normal response to loss.
When you've lost something that matters to you and you're trying to reconcile, the door opens for you to walk through the valley of grief to find your way home to your heart again.
What we have also found is that there are many myths to grief as we’re starting to understand grief a little differently.
Which is why we’ve scoured the internet to bring you a few grief myths we found from https://blog.funeralone.com/grief-and-healing/grief-myths-busted/
Grief Myth #1
Myth: The journey of grief eventually brings you to closure.
Reality: The journey of grief is non-linear. There is no “end” to grief; grief is ongoing.
This journey of grieving can look different for each person.
Sometimes big and loud.
Sometimes quiet and gentle.
Sometimes masked as numbness or anxiety.
There is no right path to follow.
Many of the theories that describe grief and its stages, including the 5 stages of grief allude to some point where there is “closure”. According to Eleanor Haley from What’s Your Grief, “Grief isn’t something you go through, it’s something that becomes a part of you. It’s forever.”
Secondly, there is no such thing as closure. We never truly “close the book” on our loved ones. It’s always with us, and we can smell the pages, read them again and again, and enjoy the book. Because it will always remain in our hearts.
Grief Myth #2
Myth: We must eventually “move on” from the loss of a loved one.
Reality: It’s not necessary to “detach” from your grief, and it’s perfectly safe to have your grief.
Imagine a scene in a Rom-Com movie where a widow can’t seem to “start a new life” after the loss of a spouse. So the scene shows him feeling depressed and eating ice cream in sweatpants on his couch watching The Golden Girls.
You can imagine this classic scene being followed up with a seemingly supportive friend busting into his dirty home and shouting “C’mon man, you’ve got to move on!”
Moving on can be different for everyone. Moving on doesn’t mean that you forget about those you’ve lost completely. It just means you learn to live without them. It’s also important to note that the way we relate to our loved ones changes over time. What once felt like an empty hole of sadness, after 10 years, could feel like a gentle loving warmth in your heart. Your grief changes throughout the years. There’s no need to avoid it like the plague, or wish it away. It doesn’t always have to be painful, and it won’t always be.
Grief Myth #3
Myth: Staying connected to your loved one after their passing makes you a little crazy.
Reality: Continuing a long-lasting connection to the deceased is necessary and healthy. Connecting with our lost loved ones has been portrayed in the media as being creepy, eerie, and sometimes downright crazy. Only insane people would do that, right? Not so fast.
Many cultures around the world connect to their loved one through rituals, conversations, songs and even keepsakes. It is seen as sacred, healing, and incredibly helpful to help ease the pain of the loss. In fact, modern psychology tells us that rituals around our deceased loved ones are one of the only things that makes death bearable for us to process.
Grief Myth #4
Myth: Remembering a lost loved one means staying in the past
Reality: Remembering a lost loved one can mean connecting them to new experiences in your life. It can be so easy to think that the only way you can remain connected to your loved one is to remember the times you spent with them.
This just goes to show that a healthy way of grieving someone, may be inviting their presence into new experiences you have. Especially those they would have loved to experience it themselves, but never got to.
Grief Myth #5
Myth: When someone we love passes on, we have lost them
Reality: When someone we love passes on, their wisdom and goodness lives on through us.
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “sorry for your loss” many times before. While there’s nothing wrong with this saying per se, I don’t necessarily believe we ever truly lose someone.
How can we “lose” someone who we keep so dearly in our hearts? Their physical presence may no longer be, but their wisdom, their jokes, and their goodness lives on through us.
If you are looking for a little extra support and encouragement during your grief journey, we highly suggest taking part in GriefShare.
GriefShare is a group led by caring people who have experienced grief and have successfully rebuilt their lives. We understand how you feel because we’ve been in the same place. We will walk with you on the long path through grief toward healing and hope for the future.
To learn more about GriefShare, please visit: https://www.rouppfuneralhome.com/griefshare